interesting

i just realized i have over 40 draft posts waiting to be developed or edited or forgotten forever.

sometimes i have a funny topic come to mind, but am too tired to write, so i save a title to remind me later of what i wanted to write about. or sometimes, i start a post, but realize it is too meaty of a topic and i can't quite wrap my brain around it or hack it out the way i want it. the thing is, i don't think i've ever developed a post around one of those titles i left for myself and i never go back and try to fix those posts i just couldn't quite figure out.

some titles that have been abandoned:

green
blackberry heaven
biting baby dan doll
moo moo thunder

and the "post" that i left most recently that made me realize how many times i've done this-"the oxford comma".

this little haibit amuses me.

six

tomorrow is tim and i's sixth wedding anniversary. to some that might seem like a small number. to us, it is quite an accomplishment. we won't celebrate with fancy gifts or even a shared dinner. if i don't say anything, i'm not sure tim will even notice-his schedule is a blur of days and often, he has to really stop and think what day of the week it is. but as i pause to think about that number and that amount of time, i have a deep and calming peace.

in the last six years we have had nine different jobs, six cars, and bought a house. i started massage school two weeks after we got married and finished my clinicals nauseous with ben in my belly. in the first year of our marriage we mourned the loss of a babe, buried both of our grandmothers on the same day, and celebrated new life. our boys have filled our lives with great joy, great frustrations, and great sleep deprivation.

i would like to say we have tackled all of those things with grace and unity. we have not.

marriage is not a romantic comedy. love is not easy. children and jobs and houses are stressful.

but we are still together, in spite of our fiery tempers and our selfish natures. through the power of God's grace and the help of our families, we are still together.

i thank God for the humility my marriage has taught me.

when tim and i were planning our wedding, with our brains turned to mush by infatuation, we would coo to each other that we would make each other saints.

while i know that marriage is my vocation, and that i have the ability to be sanctified through it, it is certainly not in the way i envisioned those many long years ago.

sadly, i have sometimes fallen into the grave trap of thinking marriage is all lovey-dovey and happy days. no, marriage is sometimes just hanging on when the ride is rough.

i am thankful for these six years. it has certainly had it's rough and bumpy days, but those days make the beautiful days so much more beautiful.