survival

last week was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. the boys had horrendous colds and ben had the barking cough that pulls at my momma heart. both were in top whiney mode (i actually wondered if ben's voice had permanently changed to whine pitch) and max wanted to be carried non-stop. except when he didn't, at which time he would scream, arch his whole little strong body, and throw himself backwards. he especially wanted to show off that feat of strength in the early a.m. hours. max normally hates diaper changes, but last week was even worse. all the energy he preserved from not walking was used during diaper changes to resist, arch, flail, scream, and kick. maybe it's my fault for using sand paper baby wipes and acidic baby lotion. i mean really kid, i'm trying to help you.

we normally get out of the house a couple times a week, for the sake of all of our sanities, but last week we didn't leave the house once. i didn't want to expose friends and family to the cold from hell and didn't trust strangers at places like walmart to not make them sicker with something new. oh the pain of staying home. ben begged to go to the houses of everyone we knew.

about mid week, having had one too many coughs directed at my face and not enough hours of consecutive sleep, my body gave up as well. so fighting the cold and a few infections myself, we spiraled further into illness and despair. mostly despair. because it was at the same time that i got sick that tim had to start super training at work. my teammate was only home to sleep and receive a few hugs as he staggered out the door for his own exhausting days. i could see it break his heart to see us so miserable and him unable to help.

i really would have lost my mind if a few angels of mercy-our parents-hadn't rescued us. and i'm not being dramatic. i was ready to drop the boys off at a safe house and drive till i ran out of gas, living out my tortured days as the mysterious waitress at a truck stop in the middle of the dessert.

i hope to never have to move away from our families. i really don't know what i would have done without their help. tim's mom let me lay on their couch for most of saturday afternoon while she played with the boys, then fed me a yummy dinner.(my boys live on air.) sunday my parents came and stayed with the boys so i could go to mass and max could nap in his own bed. then we retreated to their house for another yummy dinner and i got to rest a little more. (my mom even picked up my house a bit while i was gone. yes, she really is the best. sorry, she's all mine. well, me and those other seven pesky siblings.)

this morning, having only been woken up twice in the night and feeling a little stronger in body and more importantly, in mind, my hope had been restored. we were going to make it after all.

the boys were markedly better today, i think in no small part because we had gotten out of the house. they are so social. and what better socialization than grandparent love.

i gained a new appreciation for my families over the weekend, and i already appreciated them oodles. i gained a new level of sympathy and respect for single parents and will be praying for them often. i'm so thankful i don't have to make a go of this life on my own. i tend to dwell on the negative side, and unfortunately for my dear spouse, think more about his deficiencies than his strengths. he is a great dad, a kind husband, and an overall good, good man.

and praise the Lord, when he is unavailable, God has blessed me with two amazing families. because of them i'm not pouring coffee as i chain-smoke out my days some where in the southwest.



no picture. the salt in my eight million wounds last week was that my camera is being tricky. not that you really want to see pictures of sick kids or me on the verge of losing it.