vacay day 1

as i'm pretty sure all of you know from my post on facebook, tim and i were supposed to be on a lovely, kid-free getaway this week in colorado at my generous aunt's cabin in lovely green mountain falls. sadly, that area is being devastated by a wild fire right now and green mountain falls and nearby manitou springs is under mandatory evacuation. although we are disappointed, after reading a few news stories about people being directly effected by the fires, it seems ridiculous to feel sorry for ourselves.

our babysitters have very generously agreed to keep the boys as scheduled which i was so thankful for because the boys were so, so, SO excited about their "vacation" at my sister's house and at tim's parents' later in the week. they have been talking about their vacation for the last week and counting down the days. we were nervous to tell them that we were going away without them, but they have been over the moon about their very own vacation, complete with sleepovers! whenever ben talked about their vacation, he would say, "and you're going to be so happy because you get a break from us and we get a break from you!" (he also told us on the way to mass yesterday, "i love you guys so much! do you know why? because you have iphones with fun games. and because you're my parents." not nearly as endearing as his whole, "i'm his precious jewel" bit.)

as i stepped off the porch this morning and walked toward the car, the happy little flower above greeted us. ben spotted it to and mentioned that he thought about picking it for me, but since we were headed to mass, he decided to leave it there for me to enjoy later.

we met my sister at the little country church were she, my parents, and one of my sister-in-laws regularly go to daily mass. it is such a beautiful, peaceful place and mass definitely helped lift my mood. after mass my boys ran happily around the church grounds with their cousins while we chatted in the shade of a beautiful, old oak tree. watching my boys play with their cousins brings me indescribable joy. so very wonderful.

after settling the boys in at their vacation destination i came home and was still feeling a little grumpy. tim and i still hadn't figured out what we wanted to do with our week and i don't like not having a plan. the possibilities are so vast of what we could do, but narrowing down what we really want to do, with very little planning has been difficult. it doesn't help that i'm not exactly a free-spirited adventurer and tim is pretty chill. since saturday night when we learned about the fire, most of our conversations have gone like the following:



we at least had a rough plan for the day: bike ride, naps, dinner out, and trip planning. fair enough.

while tim fixed the tire on my bike, i decided to tidy up the house and then continued on to attack the laundry room that had become annoyingly cluttered. it was so weird and wonderful to see a project through from start to finish without interuption and to not have the boys digging through all the stuff that i was taking out to organize/donate/throw away. i started to think, "oh my, i could tackle the whole house this week!!!" (last night i suggested we spend the week fixing the siding on our house and eating out at nice places as our reward for our hard work each night. tim replied that that would crush his spirit. see, aren't i a super fun wifey???)

once tim finished the tire and adjusted my seat, we went for a quick two mile ride. since we hadn't rode for such a long time, and we've really only gone out a few times together, it was fun, but oh so hot.

lunch followed and then nappy time.

after the sleepy dragon awoke (me) we checked several restaurant menus online to see where we wanted to go. our plan had been to go somewhere nice, but nothing sounded great to both of us and for the prices we were looking at, we both wanted to be really impressed by our meal. timmy boy loves seafood and i'm just okay with it. the few times we've gone to nicer places for seafood, i just end up getting an over-priced simple pasta dish or salad while tim consumes shrimp, shrimp, and more shrimp. or scallops. or crab. seafood is the one thing tim has a more varied palate for.

where did we finally end up? i'm sure after this rambly, wine induced, i get to sleep-in in the morning so i don't feel rushed to get off the computer post, you're just dying to know! see if you can guess from this photo of tim savoring not one, not two, but FOUR gourmet desserts!!!

i can't say that i'm proud to declare *china star buffet* as the first dinner out of our romantic getaway vacation, but we did have fun it was undeniably delicious. we are classy people.

we also made a rough plan for our week but i fear it might be as exciting to you as the above post. unless i set tim to work on some serious photoshopping, a facebook album of our "vacation" probably won't be envy inducing.

tomorrow's big plans include mattress, flooring, and gun shopping. romantic, i know : )

purvis the nervous turtle

a couple of years ago we had a turtle show up in our yard. ben was probably three at the time and was quite fascinated with it. while inspecting it, he and tim (mostly tim) named the turtle purvis. purvis the nervous turtle.

and now, whenever we see a turtle on the road or one shows up at our house, it's referred to as purvis by our whole family. it's always been our little family joke that entertains tim and i. it was a little awkward when ben was telling someone at the parish picnic about the purvis we had seen on the way there.

yesterday on our way home from church there was a turtle in the road. not wanting to see it smashed, i was trying to coach it across the road as we drove by. frustrated by the fact that he just stayed tucked in his shell, i said, "come on purv, get out of there!" the boys chirped from the back seat, "yah, come on purv!" tim and i looked at each other and giggled.

this morning i found another large turtle in the yard.  all the kids were pretty enamored with it, petting it's shell, offering it leaves, and generally harassing it, thus making it stay tightly and patiently tucked in his shell. when we moved to another part of the yard he quickly made his getaway.

when ben wandered back over to where the turtle had been, he sadly reported that it was gone. the missing turtle led to an all out turtle hunt by the five littles (cousins were over this morning) complete with yelling his name loudly and shading their eyes while they peered into the distance. "PURVIS! PURVIS, WHERE ARE YOU???" my favorite was, " HERE PURVY, PURVY, PURVY! WHERE ARE YOU LIL BUDDY???" when i asked ben why he was calling to the turtle, if he thought the turtle would answer him or come running with his tail wagging, he giggled.

dear purvis: where ever you are, be safe little buddy.

yep, a turtle tale is what i came out of hibernation for. i wasn't quite sleepy enough for a nap while the boys had their "show time" but tired enough that i couldn't do any projects or muster much brain power.

mother's day

the alternate title of this post is...i'm a brat.

i am very blessed. but generally instead of being grateful for the many, many blessings that i am so very unworthy of, i chose to wallow in self-pity.

mother's day is probably primo numero uno for self-pitying days. i blame hallmark for their sugar coated version of what mother's day should look like, but i accept that i'm the sucker who falls for their marketing.

i won't take you on a guided tour through the years of mother's days past, but i will highlight a few of my disappointments. tim, being the awful, mean husband that he is, failed to lactate or gestate for my first three mother's days, never allowing me a break for even one day.  ben and max, being the rotten children that they are, have dared wake up before my preferred hour of the morning (9) and have placed such burdensome demands as food and attention every! single! year! jerks.

yep, i get grumpy because i have to *gasp* mother on mother's day. i have to get up with the boys, prepare food, and parent them. tim sleeps like a log and the boys learned from an early age that i am much easier to pester out of bed if they want to eat or be attended to. when the boys were younger, i got up with them because even when tim did try to give me a break, the boys would scream and cry until i came to them, which, call me crazy but, i didn't find very restful. (they didn't appreciate that tim's style of parenting didn't allow them to be tyrants and expressed that through extreme mommy favoritism.) for the last three years, tim has worked on mother's day so yep, there's all that parenting i still have to do even though it's supposed to be my dang day to be a queen.

all i ever really want for mother's day is a break. basically, to not have to be the mother for the day. i want the house to wake up clean and go to sleep clean, be fed yummy meals that i haven't had to prepare or clean up, and not have to entertain or discipline the precious offsprings, unless i want to.

and because i don't get that, i pout and am resentful of tim and the boys for not giving me that. yes, i am a glowing example of sacrificial maternal love.

this morning tim got up with the boys and made a lovely breakfast for me. but because we chose to stay after mass and visit with our special adoration friend who has no children to celebrate her today, tim didn't have time to clean up the kitchen from the big mess that he had created in making that yummy breakfast before he left for work.

as i started in on the kitchen cleanup, i also started in on my annual pity party. "if tim would have gotten up earlier and tried harder, he could have cleaned up the kitchen before we went to mass. and he totally could have cleaned the house instead of staying up and playing video games after i went to bed." before tim left for work he thanked me for all the hard work i do for our family and said that he knew there was no way in the universe he could ever adequately express his gratitude. instead of appreciating his kind words, bratty mary thought, "well it would sure be nice if you would at least try to go to the ends of the earth to show me. or at least clean the house."

so as i cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and mentally added up my list of complaints, i started to feel pretty guilty. yah, tim could certainly do more to make me feel appreciated, but what was i doing to show the mothers in my life that i appreciate them. not only am i blessed to have a wonderful momma, but i also have an awesome mother-in-law and an amazing godmother. that is a lot more than many people have. maybe instead of pouting over me, me, me, i should invest my energy in showing them how much i appreciate them.

maybe instead of pouting i could pray for the single moms who very rarely get a break or mom's that are struggling with problems much bigger than mine.

and then there's those precious offspring that qualify me as a mother. maybe instead of expecting to be adored and pampered on mother's day, i should be thankful that i am a mother. how many women long for children or have lost a child?

the tragic conclusion of this long and rambly post is that the world doesn't revolve around me, although i totally think that it should. i know that i am a brat. i'm working on it, but apparently i am as good at training myself to be grateful as i am at teaching max not to bite.

goodnight my precious jewel

my boys drive me crazy. i think i've mentioned that before. most days i get up with them in the morning and put them to bed at night. we spend a lot of time together. for me, a person who needs some quiet and space, all of that together time can be taxing.

sometimes i feel like a bad momma when i snarl at them to get out of my face. literally, tonight, ben had crawled into my chair on my lap and max was thrusting something in my face while they were simultaneously telling me stories. sometimes they literally run circles around me, shrieking with delight. and that's when they're in a good mood. i won't talk about the bad moods.

to say that they overwhelm me is an understatement. i think that's why i like taking pictures of them while they are asleep. quiet. undemanding. sometimes i go in and lay with them after they are asleep or stay for a bit just to watch them if they fall asleep during our night time ritual. sometimes it's the only time i feel connected to them instead of bombarded by them.

i try to be patient and kind, but i fail a lot. a lot! i know that it's not their fault. there is no human-baby, child, or adult that i would like to spend my whole day with from waking to sleep. i feel guilty a lot for my desire for space from them or for when i'm not patient and kind. i worry that that's what they'll remember of their childhood and of me.

but then there's moments that ease my worry. max has been very affectionate lately. giving me hugs and kisses willingly when i leave for work. stopping what he's doing throughout the day to tell me that he loves me. coming from the kid who sometimes (maybe often) gives me death glares, that means a lot. maybe he's not forever scarred by our battles of wills after all.

tonight i had a terrible headache while i was tucking the boys in. max spent most of the time huffing and puffing because i didn't read them a story. i finally said ENOUGH! "there i go again, ruining our time together with my hot temper."

as i quietly said our prayers, i laid facing ben with my eyes closed. occasionally i would open them to see him nodding off to sleep. when he would see we watching him, he would give me sleepy smiles. is there anything in the world better than sleepy smiles? after i finished prayers i stayed for a bit. i thought they were both asleep. i reached over and brushed ben's cheek, "goodnight my treasure." as i got up, i heard from behind me, "goodnight my precious jewel" and i felt his arms around me.

maybe they can feel the love after all.

rooster run

last thursday morning i was running late for work so i asked ben to go unlock the chickens while i finished making breakfast. several minutes later, i heard the door slam and ben crying. a scared/hurt cry. i came around the corner and found him crumpled on the floor. i was really concerned and asked him what was wrong. he looked at me with the most betrayed look, "why didn't you come help me? i was yelling for help and you didn't come!" still confused i asked him what happened again. while i held him he reported that after unlocking the chickens, the rooster chased him all the way back to the house (a distance of about 100 yards?), jumping up and pecking him, while he ran, screaming for help. i felt so terrible that he felt like i'd let him down, but at the same time, i had to suppress a smile at the thought of him being chased by the rooster. obviously terrifying for him, and i'm sure this solidifies my place in the mean mom hall of fame, but probably pretty hilarious at the same time.  i was really bummed i'd missed the show.

i got him calmed down, got him smiling by renaming our rooster bandolino from a book that we had read in which the boy's aunt has a mean rooster named bandolino, got him to eat his breakfast, and headed off to work. (i'm thankful to have an employer that is pretty flexible about when i show up, especially if there's a family emergency like a rooster attack!)

after the incident, which ben dubbed "the rooster run", ben was very cautious whenever he went outside. the chickens have free range and often hang out in the corral and forest where the boys play. whenever ben would go outside, he would take a broom with him in case bandolino tried to get him again. he would not go out to the chicken house by himself and even when with me, he was very cautious.
 

enter tim, dad extraordinaire, and his suit of armor. the little shield in the front allows ben to stick his hand through the box to unlock the chicken's door. after making the armor, tim took ben out to the chickens and bandolino was the one who was terrified now. it definitely put the spring back in ben's step to be back on top of the farm pecking order.

KITTENS!!!

we had known that little ms. mia tortilla was growing some babies (as ben and max would have excitedly told you if you had stopped by), but we didn't known when they would make their appearance. after mass last sunday, before he left for work, tim was having a chat with mia and decided that i needed to give her some birthing advice. he then scolded me for my un-encouraging birthing advice.  

(mia enjoying a dry nap during the rainy week. i was impressed she could still balance on the rail with that big belly.)

apparently tim was picking up on mia's birthy vibes because while we were gone on sunday, she had her babies. but it was were she decided to have the little ones that made it all the more eventful!

we had made a "nest" for her using an old dog house and some towels, but apparently she didn't approve. although mia is an outside cat, she occasionally sneaks in the house if the boys leave the door open and hides under the futon upstairs. sometimes i don't even realize the boys have let her in and we'll leave the house. whenever that happens, she's waiting by the door to be let back out when we get home.

last sunday (3.25.12) was a busy day with the baptism of my nephew, a family party to celebrate, and confirmation class in the evening. as we pulled out of the driveway to go to the party, the boys informed me they'd let mia in the house. "argh! oh well, we'll just her out when we get home." between the party and class, i came home to prep for class and totally forgot about mia. it wasn't until after class, which ran late, did i remember her. the boys and i had walked out in the dark, already way past bedtime, to lock up the chickens, and as we walked back to the house, holding hands and admiring the moon, it hit me.  i just knew that she'd had the kittens in the house. why else had she not greeted me at the door when i came home to prep for class.

i didn't say anything to the boys and gave them a snack so that i could sneak upstairs to check on her. and there she was, behind the futon, with six adorable kittens. the boys quickly realized something was up and where over the moon to finally have the kittens out. although i liked the kittens, i had a hard time not focusing on the carpet that had endured the birth or the thoughts of what exactly we were going to do with this nest of kittens in our house. (i know, i'm heartless.)

we tried moving her outside tuesday but after hearing some scuffling on the deck after dark, we moved her back inside, but into the laundry room. she did not like that idea and actually pushed the pocket door off of it's track to get the door open, then moved the kittens back upstairs. we've since just let her stay upstairs and let her out when she needs a break to lay in the sun or wander in the forest. she can hop back in the house whenever she's ready through an open window with the screen off. but that only works during the day. that had been our night time plan as well, until tim noticed her sitting on the inside ledge, nose to nose with a raccoon, who was on the outside ledge! yes,  let's please add a raccoon to our little menagerie!

i have not handled this little event very well. i'm not an indoor animal type of person, mia is not litter box trained, and although i really didn't want anything to happen to the kittens, i also didn't really want them inside our house. tim's answer to most things is, "it will be fine." to his credit, he was very patient with all my analyzing and whining. he also moved the kittens outside, even though he wanted them to stay inside. he also patiently moved them back inside once i freaked out after the weird noises on the deck, making cute, reassuring responses to all of the kittens meowing. (he also does a really hilarious impression of a kitten, but it might take some serious bribes to get to see it.)

all of my kitten freak outs were not helping my case that we are ready for another baby. tim's probably right about that, but that's a post for another day that i'll probably never get to.

who could resist this face?

not cool.

I HATE TECHNOLOGY. 

i just spent an hour writing a really lovely post about children's books while the boys watched sesame street, complete with pictures and links, and then when i tried to save it or publish it "an error had occured". BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

and now my text can only only be centered in this charming way that makes me want to break things.

but at least it's saving what i type. whew! what a relief.

i have never, EVER had a piece of paper and pen betray me in the ways that computers do. they let me write on the top or bottom or side whenever i want!!!!

and that's fine. you can be like my computer aps teacher in high school who always liked to remind me that computers only do what you tell them to do. except that THEY DON"T.

my relationship with computers in like the movie I, ROBOT. i guarantee, i will never get a robot.