swirly brain

that could seriously be the title of pretty much every post i write. my brain is always a flushing toilet bowl of thought. although i like to think the ideas and concepts i mull over and over and over and OVER are of a little more quality than the contents of an average toilet bowl.

you see, being a generally melancholy person, i have a rather debilitating condition known as "paralysis by analysis". i'm always thinking, but oh how painful the doing part is. i usually just over think an idea until i'm so sick of it that i move on. or i talk myself out of ideas before ever trying them.

i'm so NOT a trial and error type of person it's frustrating. success at first try or not at all. all or nothing-that's me. there are so many things that i can see how the middle ground would be advantageous, but i just can't quite do it. when we had chickens, i hated keeping them in their small pen so i would let them free range. i knew this was best for them in theory, but in actuality, they were getting slowly picked off. would it have been better to have chickens in a pen that occasionally free ranged and were still....alive?! of course. but no-i couldn't let go of the principal that it was best for them to free range. and all the chickens died. those poor girls-God really needed to humble me on that one.

so my brain is swirling with all kinds of thoughts. business ideas, world saving ideas, food ideas, home improvement projects, mary improvement projects....until i get so tired of hearing myself think i almost go crazy. and sometimes i unload these ideas on my poor friends and family. i really wouldn't hold it against them if they rolled their eyes at me and spaced out as i launched into my newest dissertation. but they don't, oh my dear, kind friends. they at least wait until my back is turned to roll their eyes.


(if i ever find my phone cable, i'll post some amusing pictures. until then you might as well stop checking in. the swirly brain might get messy.)