i'm not ready for july. i'm pretending that the awesome celebration we had monday was Family Fest 2011 and that we're still leasurely hanging out around mid-june.
i don't know why, but july makes me feel a little panic-y. maybe because as a student it meant summer was almost half over. then as a grown up, the first july of our marriage, we grieved the loss of our first little one. the next year, when i was pregnant with ben, july meant baby was coming soon and we were not at all ready. and then he came, not in the way we had planned, the first of many trials in those early months. and of course there's the crushing kansas heat that sucks the life out of you ten seconds after being outside.
but june, oh how i love june. this year i decided it is officially my favorite month, even though it was a questionable june this year.
if we're lucky it starts out coolish and sometimes even rainy. it's laid back and slow with little expectations or plans.
i love the first sounds and sights of summer that emerge in june. lightning bugs. berries. summer nights.
i fell for tim in the summer nights of june. i lived by myself for the only time in my life starting that same june.
i quit a job that i hated in june in a bit of a huff and it felt awesome.
tim and i seemed to finally hit our stride that first year of our marriage in june and then were filled with excitement when we found out we were going to become a family of three the same day my brother got married. we carried that fun little secret for a couple weeks and then got to know the joy of sharing that news with family.
when i was pregnant with max, ben and i had a really good june. we ate breakfast and lunch on the deck most days. we puttered around the house and the yard. ben was between really trying stages of development and was really fun to hang out with. we enjoyed my parents being closer after their may move.
the last two years i don't remember much of june, but i'm sure they were above average.
goodbye june. i wish you would have stayed longer. and been longer. i miss you already.