*huge sigh of relief*

it has been a very busy several of months around here. much of august was consumed by our kitchen project. as soon as i got things cleaned up from that, i had a big push for work before our grant ended. today i finished up my last site and don't have any more scheduled for the near future. during that time we had several other small house projects and put a new roof on the house. all while tim was gone for 60+ hours of the week and the boys needs didn't magically freeze or wait.

as i drove home this afternoon, i felt like i could finally breath for the first time in a long while.

riddle me this

i wasn't going to post tonight. but then i realized we didn't have hot water in our house for some reason. then i ate a good sized portion of chocolate custard with peanut butter cups to soothe my weary endless-house-project soul. and now i'm a little hopped up on sugar. i thought about harnessing the powers of the white pony to clean the bathroom. but, that would require getting up off the couch, so i came here instead.

i've been thinking about this space a lot lately. (because, although most people don't realize how neurotic i am and how much i analyze things, i do. constantly.)(and apparently this post wasn't enough to convince me.)

blogs are funny little creatures. in my mind, blogs kind of look like alots. when i told one of my cousins that i had a blog, she giggled because she thought blog was a funny word. and people who write blogs are bloggers, which to me, sounds like boogers. to me, that is the most ridiculous professional title, a professional booger. i envision this conversation at a party: bob-"so what do you do?" betty-"i'm a blogger." bob-"oh. what do you blog about? politics? religion? education?" betty-"ummm....no. i...ahh...blog about what i had for lunch and the funny thing i overheard while waiting in line at walmart." bob-"oh. very meaningful. and people pay you for that?" betty, shrugging and wrinkling her face up-"yep."

i've stumbled across several new-to-me blogs as i decompress in the evenings of professional bloggers and i think, "geez, that would be nice to get paid to do that." but then i really think about it and realize, although it seems like a pretty cushy job, i really wouldn't like the intrusion and the pressure to perform. but then i get all competitive and think, "well, what makes them so special that millions of people read about their slightly interesting/mostly normal life? i'm special to ya know!" and then i call my mom to be reaffirmed that i am indeed special. and i can hear her roll her eyes. so i hang up and remind myself that i don't even like those kind of blogs and that i don't want to make money just for the sake of making money. oh how hard it is to tame my competitive spirit.

the type of blogs i like have meaningful content. some times i'll read a post, like this one, and think, wow, that's exactly what i've been mulling over in my head and she articulated it much better than i would have ever eeked out in the two hours i tried to put it on paper. one of my consistently favorite blogs is soulemama. pretty much every day, she offers a little bit of beauty or wisdom. i like that i can go there and count on a new post.

but most of the time, at the end of the day when i sit down, my brain is waaaay too tired to come up with something meaningful and there's no way i could post every day. shoot, once a week is a push for me. but then i feel like i'm letting you, my vast and plentiful audience, down. i really enjoy several other blogs, but am a bit sad when i go check them and they haven't been updated. so i kind of lose interest.

so what's a girl to do? i'm not quite sure.

happy day

this week has been stressful.

trying to work. taking care of mitter max, who has the cincinnati hot poops. coordinating wootang roof-fest 2010. still not having a camera. constantly squabbling boys. only seeing my husband when i should be sleeping and spending that time discussing the sick boy and the house.

this week has had joys as well.

celebrating max's birthday with our wonderful families. getting to help my incredible mother-in-law, if only in a small way. feeling the love of my brothers who will assemble to help us roof tomorrow. the few moments when the boys aren't trying to kill each other when they are best buddies.

i'm trying very hard to chose to have a good day today. if i could have this song on constant replay, i think it would help. it is 3 minutes of bliss. the boys and i have watched and listened to it over and over and over and can't help but giggle and dance and laugh. (and no, this video is not a hint of any sort. one has to have a husband to get in the family way.)

Magic- A Belly Grows from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.

happy friday. happy feast of st. therese.

welcome

if you're stopping by from moneysavingmom, welcome. sit back and take a look around. i hope you enjoy our blessed brand of craziness.

*click*

that's the sound of my brain taking a picture. i've been having to take a lot of brain pictures lately because our camera is broken. (that's actually what inspired my last post, because i never appreciate our camera until the battery is dead or now, broken. it's a luxury, not a necessity to have a nice camera. when i take things out of the necessity category, it makes me realize how really very blessed i am.)

so if my camera were working, these would be the pictures i would post.

-my boys "reading" on top of the submarine tim built them out of boxes. they were frighteningly quiet out in the family room so i peeked around the corner to see them perched atop the U.S.S Peter T. Hooper. *click*

-the U.S.S. Peter T. Hooper herself, in all her glory. *click*

-the sand castles we built in the sandbox this morning. it was a glorious morning and we soaked it up outside. when we got our new fridge i kept the door shelfy box things from the old fridge (since i new it was going to get trashed :( i figured i could at least repurpose something out of the deal.) one of the shelfy box things got sent to the sandbox and it makes great bricks. now, don't let your imagination get too carried away. i didn't make a sandcastle out of shoe box sized bricks (yet!), but they did have multiple levels and i was pretty proud. *click*

-our feet and hands after playing in the sandbox. we were grubby little puppies when all was said and done. thinking about it just now, i dread looking in the bath tub. but at least it was a happy mess. *click*

-seven kiddos sitting against our deck rail eating dessert with evening sun making them glow. we were blessed with the wonderful company of three momma friends last night and their nine children. beautiful chaos! at one point, i think there was ten kiddos, from ages 7 down to 9 months, in the sandbox. *click*click*

-house projects i have been working on, including our new! kitchen! i've been trying to stream line and organize this summer (and the last three years) to make our house a more peaceful home. i really hate clutter. it stresses me out and turns me into a very bad wife, mother, and person. the rub is that tim and i are both accumulators and we have two small children. stuff can take over very quickly around here. it's a work in progress, but with some serious inspiration from the Holy Spirit and help from my momma, i'm happy with my results. *click*click*click* and *click* (the kitchen required a few extra pictures : )

well, that sums up life around here. hope you enjoyed the pictures. (bah ha ha ha ha. i crack myself up.)

here's a couple pics from the archives because this is really were i take a lot of my pictures-at the table, were my boys hold still, if only for a little bit.



sticking out his tongue for pictures is in his genes.



"an empty bowl doesn't count, max, if you've just moved all of your breakfast to another bowl."



the look that will take him far in life.

when it's gone

(not that it was all that difficult, but i'm pretty proud of myself for figuring out how to embed a video. techno nerd i am not.)



i really like this song and video. maybe i feel a connection with them because i know how to do that cup rhythm. (okay, i feel no connection-i just wanted to brag that i can do that cup thing.) the boys really enjoy watching it as well. it is the anthem for all the things that i take for granted until they are gone.

-sunshine. fall sunshine is so melancholy for me because i know it will soon be gone and i know that i have not soaked up enough of it.

-max going to sleep easily. (although even before, "easily" was a relative term.) he figured out how to get out of his crib and the pack 'n' play is no barrier either. but we'll find a new normal eventually. growing pains.

-tim. we, but most especially myself, soooo took our time together for granted. a year ago, i'd get cranky when tim got home at six, knowing that if he hadn't goofed around at work, he could have been home by five. now 7:30 feels like bliss and a day off is like the queen's birthday!

-$$$$$. i really can't complain about money. we have a home. cars. food. money in the bank. and other than our home, no debt. but wow. if i could go back three years and give myself a good throttling, i could have used some attitude adjustment. even then, i knew in the grand scheme of things we were doing well, but on the day to day of life, i whined about things being tight. things are way tighter now with tim's job transition, but things will get better. so instead of whining about our new budget, i've been trying to focus on the freedoms that we have. the freedom from debt that has allowed us to take a much lower paying job with huge potential for growth. a job that my husband really loves instead of one that causes major stress and anxiety. and freedom that, although things are tight, i don't have to drop my boys off at daycare and go to work full time.

-uninterrupted sleep!!! i don't think anybody appreciates this until it's gone. even more than uninterrupted sleep, what i really miss is the ability to sleep in. when we were first married, it was the norm for us to wake up after 11am on the weekends. (well, i would wake up sooner, but go back to sleep several times to try to keep pace with ol timmy boy, a man who's sleeping skillz never cease to amaze me!) we are both night owls, which is not conducive to boys who are wild and ready to go the minute they wake up.

i could go on and on. i have a very ungrateful heart. i hate it sooo much and i hate it when i see it in ben. always wanting more or what others have. i often pray for a grateful heart and God is slowly helping me to change.

many of the things that i am critical or ungrateful or whiney about are things that if i really wanted to, i could change. it's empowering (and humbling) to admit that many of the things that i say "i can't" to are really things that i chose not to do.

it also helps me to think of stages of life as seasons. seasons that will pass. summer really doesn't seem all that long in comparison to a whole year. and although i will be raising children for a good many more years, this very, very intense season of life with small children will soon pass. yes, hopefully God will bless us with more babies, but ben and max won't always be so demanding and will hopefully, eventually, be *gasp* dare i say it* helpful. i look forward to lovingly enslaving my children with yard and house work. and just like i look back and wish i would have enjoyed summer more fully, i'm sure i will look back and miss my babies. (although i try to take pictures and videos of the horrid tantrums so that i won't forget what life was really like instead of just looking at pictures of smiling cherubs.)

when i was a kid, one sunday after lunch my dad read us a story with a poem. it has always stayed with me, but i think of it more often now, with the joy and frustration that fills my days. the poem itself is kind of cheesey in my opinion, but what really stayed with me was the context of the poem. although he didn't write the poem, the guy who shared the poem-the guy the story was about that my dad was reading to us, was a man who had no family, who lived in a home for lepers, and had lost his eyesight and was significantly crippled by leprosy, prayed the poem.

I've never made a fortune
and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.

And as I go along life's way,
I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

I don't have a lot of riches,
and sometimes the going's tough.
But I've got loved ones around me,
and that makes me rich enough.

I thank God for his blessings,
and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'cause my cup has overflowed.

I remember times when things went wrong,
My faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke,
and the sun peeped through again.

So God, help me not to gripe about
the tough rows that I've hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage,
when the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,
to help others bear their loads.
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Like i said, it's not my style of poetry, but if a man who is blind and crippled feels like he is drinking from his saucer, i think i can find a few things to be grateful for too.

y'all gonna make me lose my mind.

i am beyond fried today. max is being "tricky" and has been for the last three weeks (or two years). seriously, i almost burst into tears multiple times at Mass this morning, and i'm just not that kind of person. but max fell asleep on the way home and STAYED asleep when i brought him in (cue clouds parting and choirs of angels singing.)

after i plugged ben in, i went to pull my hair up because i was really hot and thought i would amuse myself with a blog post about it.



my hair is really thick, so if it's on my neck i get way hot and it makes me crazy. like, "i'm going to shave my head if this hair doesn't stop touching me" crazy! i like it when my hair is short but it takes frequent haircuts to keep it that way because my hair grows fast. i'm more of a once a year haircut kind of gal than every 6 weeks. i also avoid cuts because i have this fantasy that if i grow my hair long, it will magically curl and tussle into soft, perfectly imperfect spirals. so i avoid cutting it. but then i get crazy hot.

if i pull my hair into a stubby ponytail my boys see it as their duty to pull it out or mess with it-which totally makes me crazy and i end up growling that if they touch me again i'll bite off their hand. it's also really annoying in the car not to be able to put my head back on the headrest. so i put it in pigtails when i get hot. (ben still plays with the pigtails but since they're easier to fix it doesn't bother me quite as much. i have had to bite his hand off a few times though, because when i put him in his car seat, he pulls my pigtails like bell chords and makes accompanying sounds. chomp!)



so why are pigtails blog worthy. well, they're really not, but my need to discuss this matter is based on the fact that...i'm not a pigtail kind of girl.

pigtails are for little girls, coy playgirls, or southerners/farm girls who wear red gingham button down shirts tied above their belly buttons.



i am none of those. i am a ponytail kind of girl. not a high ponytail (ditzy) or a low ponytail (studious), not a side ponytail (trendy)or a cute, perfectly messy ponytail (i envy those), just a middle of the head ponytail that attracts absolutely no attention. honestly in middle and high school, unless my hair was short, the number of times i wore my hair down could probably be counted with both hands. i always wanted to be one of those girls who wore different, cute hairdos, but i lack the patience, skillz, and motivation. i am a wash and go kind of gal.

so when i wear pigtails, i feel like i'm living a lie. i'm advertising to the world that i am a person that i simply am not.



i envy the veils of religious sisters and islamic women who wear head scarfs. a couple of weeks ago, a friend and i joked about starting a "wigs for white girls" club.

maybe i should just go get my hair cut.

don't be fooled into thinking max actually napped the whole time that i wrote this post. no, i actually stopped and came back to it, because it was obviously that important.

peace out.



(like my new sunglasses? although they are very not me, i think they're super cute. guess where i got them. tim bought them for himself and although i tried to stiffle my laughter, he instantly knew they were girl glasses based on my reaction. he had his suspicions when he bought them but because they were only a dollar and he was tired of squinting, he took the chance. he always gets paranoid when buying glasses because he can't tell the difference. i bought him some for christmas that he really liked, but he lost them, along with three other pairs, so he gets no sympathy from me.)